Q&A: Confession

[00:00:00] Everybody, welcome to the Soul Food Priest podcast with Father Ben. It is awesome to have you as always and I'm here with Kira and Sylvia. Hey guys. Hello. Hello, it's good to see you. How's life? Good morning everybody. I mean... Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. I am... So I got back recently from Italy. We are not jealous at all. What so ever. Zero. This was my 22nd trip to Italy. And this is...

[00:00:29] So if you ever wonder, anybody out there thinking about like your vocation, it's one of the perks of being a Catholic priest is there's a church in every part of the globe and there's a lot of churches in Rome. There's like what, over 400 parish churches in Rome. I thought you were going to say here's the good thing about a vocation is that if you become a priest, you will get to travel. That helps. Way more often than you would if you were married with kids. That helps. I'm just going to say... You know what? But that's true. It makes it like...

[00:00:58] I mean he said this is my 20 something time and I was like... And he said no way I can get out of... Yeah. I can't even get out of the city 20 something times. You need to take a big luggage next time, I'll put myself in there. Nice. Okay. Just don't declare what's in it. The more that somebody travels, the less crap that they bring when they travel. Mm-hmm. So in other words, like the first... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm just going to be a group of people and especially if it's their first time over there.

[00:01:25] They usually carry enough, a different outfit for every day. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And... But then as they travel more and more and more and more, they carry less. Mm-hmm. And so you can always tell the ones that are going for like the seventh time. Mm-hmm. Because their bag is about this size. Yeah. My bag's going to be big no matter how many times I've traveled. Just telling you, I will... Yeah. Mm-hmm. My grandfather would call me Maria Felix. She was one of those very known Mexican actresses.

[00:01:55] Oh, yeah. That carried, you know, the big luggages and everything. And I was just like, you're Maria Felix, just like your grandmother. Uh-huh. That's just me. You know who Imelda Marcos was? No. So she was before your time. She was the... I don't... Yeah. And this is really, really hard for a lot of men to understand, I think, having met with an awful lot of couples. Mm-hmm. Like, what's...

[00:02:26] Being general when I say this, but like, what's the deal with women in shoes? Like, why do women have so many pairs of shoes? Oh. And people say, Father, my husband's the one with the most... Okay, whatever. Why all the pairs of shoes? I think with girls... And look, I'm not the one that has a lot of shoes. I think mine is more clothes than shoes. Mm-hmm. But I think with girls, it's like, they've already seen me wear this. I can't wear this so many times.

[00:02:53] So then you're like, okay, I've worn this all this summer. I'm gonna get me something else for next summer. So then you have the ones from last summer, which are still really, really good. I mean, you wear black all the time. Yeah. We wear... I mean, you guys have seen it. We wear all shades of colors. Long sleeves, short sleeves, summer, winter, fall. So there's different types of shoes. Okay, I understand that. Yeah, this is a different kind of podcast. But explain this to me. Like, what happens if they've already seen you wear it? Nothing. That's what men don't understand.

[00:03:19] Like, for instance, at dances in high school. What? When I was a chaplain at a high school for four years. Yeah. They'd save up their money to get a dress. They get the dress. Well, Father, I can't wear it anymore. Why can't you wear it anymore? Does it not fit? No, it fits. Why don't you wear it? Because they've already seen me wear it. Yeah. But like, what a lot of people don't understand is men don't even... You could wear the same thing every day for 20 years and we wouldn't know. We'll remember what you wore last week if you wear it again. So what happens if like, do they call...

[00:03:49] Nothing, we're like, hmm, she wore that again. Uh-huh. Or if you're taking pictures. Oh, yeah. If now, since you take pictures... Taking pictures, like... No, we did that with my husband. Sorry, baby. Just throwing you under the bus. My daughter and I were like, we went to Gatlinburg, these two vacations. You took the exact same clothes. You gotta be kidding. And I always like go shopping for a vacation. Just so that... Do you really? Well, just shirts at least.

[00:04:18] You shop specifically for a vacation? Yes, you don't wanna wear the same clothes for your pictures. Oh, well, I don't do that. I do. But... Wow. But I guarantee, every single woman that went to Italy with you guys... They shop for bought outfits. Okay, ladies, if you're listening to us, please agree. I don't know. Maybe y'all didn't. Comment on this. Thumbs up if you guys think about this. I can't believe that. Or this is not a Karen, I think. I cannot believe that. You go shopping specifically for... We can't talk to him about this. He was back all the time. I know.

[00:04:47] This is not... Okay, so, let me just get this straight. So... I will go to confession. No wonder people are broke all the time. Yes. You have to go shopping. What do you do with all these clothes, man? Well, you take stuff out that you've worn a lot already. Mm-hmm. You're like, I've worn that enough. Wow. We just don't wear that. But, you know, we donate. Yeah. There's hand-me-downs. So, we're also helping others by shopping new.

[00:05:14] So, really, it's a ministry what you're doing, right? It's a ministry. Gotcha. A fashion ministry, yeah. So, speaking... I think we're talking about confession, so that's apropos. I will go. Oh, this is a big confession for us. Uh-huh. How much money is going on clothing and... Yeah. Yeah. Okay, this is good. Will you guys come talk to my couples when I'm doing marriage prep? Oh. Oh. And just explain this to the men so that they know what they're getting in for. Oh, yeah. And all the hair products and shampoo and stuff that they're gonna have to spend money on? Oh, man. I dropped a bunch of money on some hair products.

[00:05:44] Ulta, Sephora. I never do it. I never drop a lot of money, but I did because I'm losing hair. I'm losing hair, so I was like, I've got two. Do you... Do you... Sorry. How much... Because these are things men don't know. Mm-hmm. How much... What is the average cost annually on makeup? I just dropped $25 on one bottle of foundation on my drive over here. Foundation is what you put on your face. Yes, but it's this small. Yeah. And that's pretty cheap.

[00:06:14] Yeah. That's pretty... I see... Okay, you don't need to ask me about makeup because makeup, I'm... Yeah, me do. I'm not a makeup artist and I don't always go with the good stuff. So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So... So you can put a concealer... And... What you put under here... To brighten your eyes... And the last thing, that new thing that we didn't have when we were growing up. Mm-hmm. That setting spray...

[00:06:43] Oh, I haven't done the setting spray yet. At the end... That's nine products... At least... Eyebrow pencil. Ten... Ten... Wow. Ten... By the way, we don't look horrible without makeup, but it just enhances beauty. Gotcha. So we're talking, would it be safe to say $1,000 a year on makeup? I don't spend that much on makeup. Maybe. I don't spend that much on makeup. Maybe. And that's, I don't wear fake lashes, but if you wear fake lashes. And then you got to do the nails.

[00:07:13] The nails. Hold up now, if you did the nails. But also if you dye your hair. It's over $1,000. Wow. If you dye your hair too. Yeah. Every single time you sit in that seat, you're spending $150. That's why you see my hair. Are you serious? I don't get my hair dyed. Wow. This should be called a different, we're going to name this podcast Women Confessions. Well, and men, they got their things they spend money on too now.

[00:07:40] I mean, like, for instance, what would be some of those things? Tools that they'll never use. Yep. This little thing that will come in handy one day. Yeah. They'll hold on to it. Okay, you have a husband who works and who does, like, all the tools and all of that stuff. The TikTok stuff that he gets, because I'll use this eventually. No, so then my husband, on the other hand, is the writer. Books. Books. Yeah.

[00:08:10] Books. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. Who knows? I could use this volume of books. Right. Thankfully, my husband's not into, like, collectibles, because a lot of adult men are into, like, collectibles. Yeah, that's true. And, like, video games. That's true. Stuff like that. Yeah, no, mine's not into the video games. See, my problem, full transparency, cookbooks. But I do that. And, like, cooking stuff. I don't mind because you cook for us, so. I do. Now, now that's, okay. Gadgets?

[00:08:40] Kitchen gadgets? Kitchen gadgets. Guilty. Oh, that's, that's me too. Like, the Aldi fun aisle? Yeah. I, like, I'm like, what can I find? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. I've never been down that aisle. Yeah, no. It's, um. Yeah. It's dangerous. You wouldn't like it. I like the professional grade stuff. Like, I can't do the, like, is this for the home cook? No offense. Because you are a home cook. But, like, you know, some of this stuff. That was, that, I totally sort of like that. Yeah. Home cook.

[00:09:08] I mean, there's the difference between the professional grade stuff and the home cook. Okay. I think instead of this, you should have done. Yeah. This was. Okay. Two things. You're going to confession. Yes. Two things here on this one. On this note. Yeah. First of all. Hit me. It's actually better quality than what I, one would think. Really? What I do at Aldi is actually a lot better quality than I would. Aldi has some. It's not totally the cheap stuff.

[00:09:37] And you get, like, decent stuff. So, thing number one. Thing number two. I have five kids that cannot afford the professional chef stuff. Or the argument could be made. If you bite the bullet and get the professional grade. Because you are cooking for five kids. Then it's long term. And it, I know that. Just saying. I know that. But sometimes the budget is like. Understood. This is not my problem. And the husband who's obsessing over the budget is like. Yeah.

[00:10:06] I obsess over the budget. No, no, truly. I obsess over the budget. Mm-hmm. And then Mundo likes to cook. He probably cooks more than. Well, I shouldn't say that on social media. We both cook. Yeah. Same amount. 50-50 in our house. I'm the one that stresses over. Use that spatula with that pot. Because I don't want you to scratch it. Oh, yeah. But I'm not cooking. So I'm not going to tell the guy to be careful with the pots that I bought. Because he's cooking. Yeah.

[00:10:35] So then I'm in the other room and I can hear that. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I will. Yeah. I'll still say it. I was like. Then you should be cooking. Yeah. And I'm like. Okay. Just move. Stop. Yeah. Now you got to pick and choose your battles now. Yeah. Yeah. Well. And. Because you've been to Italy. Mm-hmm. Well, you know there's four main pastas in Rome. Mm-hmm. What would be one of the. Don't ask. Do you remember? You remember? What are the four main pastas in Rome?

[00:11:05] So they have. Are you talking pasta? Are you dishes? Pastas. Like the type? Like the shape? There are four pastas of Rome that are like. They're the four gospels of Rome. Okay. So what would those be? Well, I don't feel bad. Because first of all, I'm not Italian. You know. You know what? What's your favorite? Second of all, I've never been. You've told me before. My favorite? Your favorite pasta. Like are you talking gnocchi? Or are you talking spaghetti? Yeah. Like we've talked about this before. What have I said was my favorite? Oh, shoot. Carbonara. Carbonara. Okay. I was thinking.

[00:11:35] Okay. That's why I asked. Are you talking pasta or are you talking dishes? Okay. If you're talking dishes. Pastas. Well, they're all types of pastas. No. When I hear pasta, I think dough. Sorry. Okay. Because when I hear pasta, I think the dough. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Mea culpa. So carbonara. So carbonara. Yes. And then there's the spaghetti with the red sauce. Yes. Meat sauce. There's arrabbiata. Okay. Yes.

[00:12:00] And so arrabbiata has chile and tomato sauce, right? Okay. And a little pica. Boco pica. Okay. There was one that I had last time I was in Rome and it had oxtail in it. Oh, yes. Very, very good. That's divine. That's the best thing I've ever had. Yeah. It like took me back to my grandmother. It's outstanding. It's so good. Yeah. So they have cacio e pepe. So.

[00:12:27] Oh, I've heard that, but I heard that in a TV show. Yeah. That cacio e pepe is just pecorino and pepper that they take some of the water that they've cooked the pasta in and they mix it in there and mix like a sauce. And then they have what's called a grecia, which is cacio e pepe with giancala. You know what giancala is? It's pig jowl that's cured.

[00:12:52] So it's pig cheek that's cured, but that's super expensive in the United States. So nobody uses it, at least in Memphis. And so they use like pancetta or bacon or something like that. So grecia is cacio e pepe with bacon. Then we have carbonara. What's in carbonara? Oh my gosh. Egg, salt, pepper, and bacon. Perfect.

[00:13:22] Get it? I was about to say that. And raw egg. Raw egg. So you put the raw egg in a bowl like you'd make an omelet. Okay. And then you put the hot cooked pasta on top of it and it cooks it. Well, it's dense. Yeah. Okay. It's not raw, raw, raw. Yeah, really. And then you top it with some parmesan cheese. So on this trip, we went into St. Peter's. And those of you that have been to St. Peter's, there's like 30 languages that hear confessions.

[00:13:52] Mm-hmm. And so I go to confession and one of our, one of the people that went with us goes to the Russian. And I was like, that's awesome, dude. I didn't know you spoke Russian. He said, I don't. I was like, why'd you go? And he's like, I don't want him to understand me. And I was like. But then I'd be scared I wouldn't know what to say. Yeah. Obviously, I'm going to confess, but then like. Yeah. And I'm like. I understand a little.

[00:14:19] I'm like, dude, you need to go where you can. Okay. I mean, come on. That's what I say. Like this is the time. I mean, but you're across the world. Even if they understand you. I mean, you're going to go home the next day. Right. So. Well, yeah. Yeah. But I've always said, I feel like you'd need to go to the priest that you know so you can be held accountable. I mean. It helps. You know, it helps. Yeah. You know, you're going to go to the same priest every time. Like you're doing that again.

[00:14:48] Didn't we talk about this last time? Yeah. That's right. That's right. Well. And yeah. And people will often ask to that point. They often ask, okay, what is the deal with confession? Why do we do this? I can just go right to Jesus. Why do you Catholics come up with this? Right. And it's, truth be told, a lot of Catholics don't really know how to respond to that. I mean, what's the deal with the sacrament? Right.

[00:15:15] And so like in John's gospel, I think it's John 20, after the resurrection, Jesus appears to the apostles, even though the doors are locked. And he says, peace be with you whose sins you forgive. They are forgiven whose sins you retain. They retain. So he gives them the power to absolve sins. And it's worth pointing out that he's not, that goes with the office of apostolic succession

[00:15:43] as the first bishops of the church, right? And so, and this is really good because people will ask, did the apostles themselves hear confession? And we would say yes, that they did. And their successors, of course, as well. Right. And so, for instance, in the Acts of the Apostles, we hear that Peter and some of the apostles baptized

[00:16:09] whole households, you know, the itty bitty babies and the adults too. So, and then in James, the book of James, James says, confess your sins to one another. So a lot of times people will interpret that as saying, see, I don't need to go to a priest. To tell my friend. And we would say, yeah, of course, when we've done something wrong, like, of course, we can say, Lord, I'm sorry for this.

[00:16:39] I'm trying, Jesus. I'm sorry. And that's always a good thing. Like, we would do that. St. Ignatius called it the daily exam and at the end of the day, right? It's always a good thing. But there is different grades of sin that we've talked about. And so there's, for instance, there's personal sin and under personal sin, there's venial and mortal. St. John the Apostle talks about this in his epistles.

[00:17:08] He talks about deadly sin or mortal sin. Deadly because it kills our soul if it's not forgiven, right? And then, so there's personal sin, original sin that we inherit. And then what's, John Paul II talked a lot about what's called communal sin or group sin, whereby you have a big group of people that rationalize doing something inherently evil,

[00:17:38] wrong. And they reinforce this. And they basically, it's a group think, an echoing chamber where they're all echoing. And we see that from everything from the Communist Party years ago to Nazis, Hutus and the Tutsis, to in our own day. Yeah. In our own day with some people that work in politics. You have, they rationalize this is not a human being. This is a blob of tissue. Yeah.

[00:18:07] There's nothing wrong. This is women's health. Yeah. Reproductive health. We're just going to anesthetize the language, the vocabulary. And it becomes an echoing chamber of people reinforcing something that is just wrong. Mm-hmm. Right? So there becomes, and our catechism makes this point, is that we don't have to commit the sin to be responsible for it. Mm-hmm.

[00:18:35] I mean, that's a very important point, is that we, even though I'm not the one doing it, I may well be the one responsible for the other person doing it. Yeah. So as a parent, if I'm teaching my child to do something inherently wrong, I'm going to be held accountable. As a pastor, if I am leading people the wrong way, Ezekiel chapter 3 makes this point.

[00:19:02] It says that I'm going to hold you as the shepherd accountable for what they do. Mm-hmm. Right? And so, and including, that includes also silence. Yeah. If we need to speak up and we don't speak up, then we take part in that accountability before God, right? And that issue came front and center during the Nazi occupation of much of Western Europe.

[00:19:30] And so many of the martyrs that did speak up, like even Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was a Lutheran pastor, he did speak up. Mm-hmm. And everybody was like, shut up, don't speak. And he's like, no, look, I'm going to be responsible. I'm contributing to this. Right? Martin Luther King Jr. How many times did he say this to you? Yeah. So, and he caught a lot of flack from people that were his supporters because he spoke out on things.

[00:19:58] So, point being is that I think that there's a lot of confusion even in Catholic circles. I'm sorry to say even among Catholic clergy sometimes of what constitutes a sin and then what constitutes culpability for that sin. Okay. Right?

[00:20:22] And so, as we've talked about before with regards to culpability, typically Catholic theology, what's called moral theology, would categorize that in the knowledge of the person. Mm-hmm. How much do they know it's wrong? Yeah. What's the intention by which they do the act? Okay. What are the circumstances surrounding the act, and is it always objectively wrong?

[00:20:48] Like there's some sins that are what they call intrinsic evils, and John Paul II, his encyclical Veritatis Splendor, the Splendor of Truth, he said there's some acts that are always intrinsically wrong. They can never be justifiable. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, it's a lot to take in, but point being is that this is why we have a conscience that stings when we do something that is intrinsically wrong. Yeah.

[00:21:17] And it's trying to bring us back to kind of a sound moral compass there. I think that's the big importance about going to confession is because we are always not aware. I mean, I put myself in this situation. Is this really a sin? Is this really a sin that I need to confess? Then the only way to do it is go to confession. And if it is, oh, no, don't worry, sweetheart. That's okay. Or, you know what?

[00:21:46] I'm happy you're here because yes. So if you're like me, if you're not sure, but you have your conscience that's telling you, then you have to go to confession. I mean, oh, I think I'm good. I did this, but it's not that bad. Go. Because you don't know. Yeah. And that just resonated on me. Sometimes you might not be doing it, but you are contributing. And those are the stuff that we don't really think about all the time. Oh, I'm not. I wasn't a part of it, but you didn't do anything about it. You don't speak up.

[00:22:16] I think, if anything, we need to be watching out for that the most because we're like, oh, we're not doing anything. Right. But we actually are. Yeah. And we don't have to stand on a soapbox, but we have to call a spade a spade. I mean, like, for instance, I think one of the, like, to borrow that point, I mean, this issue comes up especially with something like bullying. Right? I mean, and. It's big nowadays.

[00:22:42] So there's, I once knew a woman, this is well over a decade ago, that experienced what we talked about before on our podcast, a near-death experience. And she said she felt she wasn't the one doing the bullying, but she didn't speak out when another girl was being bullied. Okay. And she said that after, when she had died, she was brought back to that episode and she

[00:23:10] felt it from the girl's perspective. Yeah. Right? Even though she herself didn't do the bullying, she sat quietly on the side. Yeah. So there's, so you're absolutely right. I mean, and the question then becomes, what is the best way to do so? Right? Like, what is the best way then to speak out? And that varies according to circumstance. Yeah. Well, and you were, so we did a class on confession and Father Ben taught at it.

[00:23:39] So that's why we're kind of revisiting this because some people wanted to hear about it. And in that class, you, you did mention the whole thing of, of the, you know, why do I go to, why do I need to go to a priest? Why can't I just go to God? Isn't just going to God, isn't that going to, isn't he going to forgive me of my sins? And you clarified kind of even like, why? Like, obviously you said, this is what the instruction Jesus gave to his apostles. Yeah.

[00:24:08] But then you also clarified like the nature of, and correct me if I'm wrong, it was like the nature of the priesthood versus you. The person. The person of the priest. That's right. The priest. So could you like clarify that? Like, like what is your, when you're in the confessional, what is your role and, and the distinction between the nature of the priesthood and you as a person and where that

[00:24:36] distinction lies and why it is important to go to the priest. Well, A, because that's what Jesus said, but, you know, but like why instead of just going, well, I could just talk to God and it's just going to happen that way. So. Yeah. And both are good. Both are good. But I think, and so we're, we're definitely, the church would definitely not say that, that it's a bad thing to go to God. Like we, that's a good thing. Right. We always want to do that. Yeah. We would just say that there are several things.

[00:25:06] There's a, there is definitely an accountability that happens when we speak it to another person. It's humbling. Yeah. Right. And people forget priest go to confession too. Right. I mean, I know the feeling, man, I get it. But so according to what Catholic doctrine teaches, that the priest acts in, of course, in the,

[00:25:27] in the person of Christ, but also as both doctor and healer or, and, and this doctor and Eurix, like a, like a, to some extent, not the judge. But there are times that, you know, Jesus did say, who sins you retain, they are retained. If, if someone is coming to me and says, okay, I, you know, I'm committing adultery with another woman.

[00:25:54] And then, well, the first thing out of my mouth is, are you still in a relationship? Because, and, and if the person says yes, then they're clearly saying one thing with their life. I'm happy they're here. Yeah. But they need to terminate that relationship. Right. And so, and I'm not there, you know, winging, you know, wagging my finger at them, but I'm like, look, you need to, you need to terminate this. Yeah. Okay. Otherwise you're saying one thing and doing something else.

[00:26:24] Yeah. Right. And most priests, I mean, we hear this all the time. So most priests are, we, we try to meet them where they're at. Right. But be honest with them too. Sometimes people really mean, you know, the, um, a bit of a tush push in a, in a nice way, but an honest way. Yeah. And so, yeah, so it's not to your point. It like it, this is not, um, there's a difference between the person of the priest and the office

[00:26:54] that the priest holds in the same way that on a larger scale, there's a difference between the person of the Pope as a man, you know, as Robert Prevost and then Pope Leo as the one who holds the office of Peter. While the, the person will always fail to some extent, cause we're all weak and making it up as we go. The office itself will not fail.

[00:27:19] And, uh, and Jesus, I mean, that's what he says to, to, in Matthew 16 to Peter, um, the gates of hell will not prevail against it. Mm-hmm. And the keys of the key of, of the kingdom. So, yeah, there's, and that's important. It's, it's definitely not Father Ben that's forgiving these people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we wouldn't get very far, but, um, but it's, it is the office that comes with the priesthood. Yeah.

[00:27:45] And it, and I think too, I mean, it's, it's really, um, I mean, it's worth pointing out that the, what I have found at least is the people who are the most ardent supporters of the sacrament of reconciliation are converts. Yes. Yes. I agree. I agree. So I was, yeah, I was telling people, I've told people my story and I, I don't think I've told it here on the podcast, but I'll say it again.

[00:28:13] Um, but yeah, no, when I, my husband, when he, when we were dating, he was not Catholic. And so as we were, as we were dating and things were getting serious, he became Catholic and he started like really digging into it. Well now, uh, so his friend who was doing RCA at the time, who was a former Southern Baptist encouraged him.

[00:28:39] And this man is now a deacon, um, encouraged him to go to confession. When he goes to confession, go once a month, make it a habit and go once a month. Now me being a cradle Catholic was like, we only go once a year. We go once a year. It's maybe during Lent, Advent, we go once a year. I mean, and what's the mentality? Well, I didn't kill anybody. Right. I didn't do that. You know, like, so like the big, huge mortal things, like I hadn't really done those big

[00:29:08] things, you know, so I don't really need it. Yeah. Plus at mass that takes care of my small stuff. So that was the mentality. It was not, but here it is. The former Southern Baptist turned Catholic is telling the other convert once a month. And I'm like, what have you done? What have you done? So literally when my husband would go once a month, I'm like, what are you doing? Are you cheating on me? What are you living a second life?

[00:29:37] Are you, what is happening that you have to go to confession once a month? And he's like, no, dude, just try it. And I'm like, fine. Well, then I did. I got into the habit of it and it got to where it's like, I couldn't go more than two or three months at a time before a feeling. Yeah. It built up and was like, oh, I got to go to confession. Yeah. You know?

[00:30:03] And then in fact, year before last, I didn't even make it during Advent. And I was like, so in January of last year, I was like, I didn't even make it to confession during Advent. And the priest was like, well, that's not going to happen anymore. Because it's the beginning of the year. Yeah. And you're going to go once a month. Mm-hmm. And I was like, okay. Okay. And I did. And last year was the best year. That's awesome.

[00:30:30] I think it was like one of the best years for me because I was recognizing. Yeah. Because I had not gone once a month. I had not really made that a practice. I maybe went every other month because I'm like once a month. But when I did start going once a month, then I did start realizing like it was the accountability. Yeah. But then it was also, since this is fresh on my mind that this is my weakness, when I am in that situation again,

[00:30:58] because I will find myself in that situation again, I need to practice the will to do the right thing. They call that arresting it, arresting the temptation or the trigger from a psychology counseling standpoint, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter. Your point being, to your point, is that once we're, what I pray for myself is, Lord, give me spontaneous prudence on a moment's notice. Help me to respond, not react.

[00:31:28] Yeah. Whatever it is, if it's worry, jealousy, temper, whatever it is, right? Mm-hmm. So that before we're in that situation, and Ignatius of Loyola talks about this in the spiritual exercise. So before we get there, that we're able to, we're able to really draw on an inner prudence. And so that we can arrest the temptation, so to speak, right? I love the language there.

[00:31:52] And start to take those advanced, like, you know, you might sit there and be like, oh, well, I'm going to wait on my spouse to do this for me. Like, no, I'm just going to do the thing and not expect it. You know, not expect him to do something for me in order for me to respond to him. And, you know, no, I need to maybe take the first step. I maybe need to be the, and so practicing that and doing that, oh, my gosh. Like, our relationship transformed in, like, in that year's time.

[00:32:21] Like, no, I'm still failing. If we really just sit back and just stop thinking about, oh, I'm going to, my favorite priest who I go to is going to know this about me. I mean, forget about it. Sit back. It's such a gift that God has given us. Yeah.

[00:32:44] The gift of his mercy and that here on this earth we have the opportunity to cleanse ourselves and start fresh. And it's like, do we stop and think about that? Like, this is a gift that was given. He didn't have to do that. Yeah, that's right. So it's like, this is a great gift of mercy and love that we have the opportunity to just walk in there and just. Yeah. And get out of there. No, indeed. Brand new. It's a good point. Something to that point, too.

[00:33:12] Like, you know, thinking about the priest and like if somebody comes to you and says that they're cheating on their spouse or something, you're our souls are entrusted to you. And so you're like you're a guardian of the sacraments and a guardian of the people. So it's almost one of those things where it's like I want when you receive mercy, this gift, I want you to receive the gift in its fullest. Mm-hmm.

[00:33:37] Because that's the, as a priest, that's the, one of the greatest gifts you can give your spiritual children. And so, and it's, so it's kind of like one of those things where it's also protecting us from taking advantage of the sacraments, too. Yeah, no question. No question. You know, making sure that we're not just, oh, well, I'm just checking the box, checking the box.

[00:33:58] You're like, no, I'm also protecting the beauty of the sacraments so that when this, when you come together and you meet God in the sacraments, like it is just this beautiful explosion of mercy and love. Yeah. And, you know. To that point. I guess that makes it, does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. To that point, Father Ben, do you, would you agree?

[00:34:20] Because I think we've all had amazing confession experiences, but we've also gone to a priest that maybe he's not amazing at receiving and giving you advice. So I've had a couple of people, I was like, oh, you know what? I just don't go because last time that I went, it went this way and it was just a negative experience for me. Instead of feeling refreshed, I felt so guilty and I felt dirty and I felt so.

[00:34:47] So I'm like, sometimes maybe that's not the person that you need to. I know it's God, but priests are also humans and they're also in there doing their best. And some of them have been there for hours. So don't stop at a bad confession experience. Yeah. Go to somebody else. Yeah, that's right. So don't let that stop you. Don't let fear, first of all, a bad experience or I'm going to feel guilty, ashamed or anything. You know, go for it.

[00:35:17] But I think once you talked about, you will never know if the calling to be a priest was yours or not until you've tried it. So if you're the kind of person that's like, I don't know. Or enter the seminary. Yeah. Yeah. If you're a Catholic, first of all, it's part of your sacrament. You've got to do it in order to go to communion. But if you're just getting started and you're like, I've looked into Catholicism. I think I want to convert, but I don't know if that's for me or not because of this. I'm going to have to tell a stranger or a person everything.

[00:35:47] Really try it. I mean, absolutely. It's beautiful when you walk in and you feel guilty, when you feel ashamed, when you feel dirty or not worthy. And then you get to come out and say, well, you know what? That was beautiful. And I think I told you one-on-one my best confession so far in my years was with you before we had a friendship at a Cursillo. And I was going in there feeling so ashamed.

[00:36:15] I was like, why am I saying, God, God, God, your will, your will be done, your will be done. But why can't I be a mother? I have all these people go to abortion clinics. All these people give up their babies. And I just want a child. And I can't. I felt so guilty. I remember I went to you and you were like, it's okay. It's okay. I'm sure you're not the only one that feels that way. Just talk to God. And I walked out of there going, you know what, God? Your will be done. I got pregnant that weekend.

[00:36:46] It's like God just wanted me to say, okay, just relax, sweetie. Yeah, yeah. Relax. We've all been there. We've all been there. So it's like, it's such a beautiful gift. It is. I mean, and that's really good points that both of you bring up. I mean, I think it is worth maybe like popping in there just a few points so that people may be aware of it. Number one, on the one side, we would see what they call a sin of presumption. Doesn't really matter.

[00:37:15] Doesn't really matter. I'm just going to go to confession. And so it doesn't matter what I do. Right. That's true, too. So like there's no conversion. Yeah. Right. There's no conversion. Because there are people that are holy people that have never gone to confession. Yeah. People of other faiths that are other religions that are far holier than me that have never gone to confession. Mm-hmm. And then, granted, that's not saying much. Okay. But then, so there's a sin of presumption.

[00:37:43] On the other side, and most parish priests see this often, is what's called scrupulosity. Yeah. People that want to go to confession every other day. Mm-hmm. And most priests, I think it's safe to say, will try to gently tell the person, that's not good. Mm-hmm. I mean, and like Maximilian Kolbe, the little flower, they both struggled with scrupulosity. They can't relax. Mm-hmm.

[00:38:08] So we're going for what Thomas Aquinas called the via media, the healthy balance there. Mm-hmm. That's why they say virtue is found in the middle. So we don't want to have a sin as presumption. We don't want to be scrupulous either, right? And from a canonical standpoint, there is what they call latte sententiae excommunication.

[00:38:31] So like, for instance, if I were to speak from the pulpit, really, or to anybody, something that I heard in confession, I'm not even Catholic anymore. Or if I were, another example of that would be if a priest threw down the blessed sacrament and stomped on it.

[00:38:51] Or if someone ordains a bishop without papal mandate, without papal approval, right? This is an automatic excommunication. Yeah. And so, in other words, this is very, very serious. And so, and plenty of priests over the centuries have gone to jail, have been killed over this issue because they refused to reveal what they heard in confession.

[00:39:19] And so, yeah, it's, that's why it's, it is very protected. And, and, and also, like, it really is, I think people often forget, it is a sacrament of healing along with anointing of the sick. It is a sacrament of healing. It's a spiritual healing. Yeah. I mean, that's what we're going for ultimately. Yeah. I took care of people. Go. Yeah.

[00:39:43] And what, kind of on the, along the notes of, like, a priest, and because a lot of people will say, well, Father, could you do this? Could you say this? Or if, if, if somebody was murdered, and there's, Alfred Hitchcock has a great movie. I do want to ask that. I confess. I confess. Yeah. Which is a fantastic movie. Yeah, it's a great film.

[00:40:06] And, and so in that, in an instance like that, somebody comes to you saying that they have committed murder, and then the police come to you and say, did you see this man? Did you hear his confession? And did he confess to the, to the murder? I mean, a lot of, everybody has those types of questions. Those what if questions. And stuff like that. What, what are you bound to as a priest when you, when you walk into that confessional, like, because you just said, like, I can't even say it.

[00:40:36] What the person said. I can't even say it. But, like, what, what are. Yeah, I always, I always tell people, imagine a spiritual Ziploc bag. Okay, this is a spiritual Ziploc bag. Nothing can leave it. So, like, I mean, what's more common is that a parent will come to us and say, did my son go to confession? I told that young man to go stand in line. Did he come to you? Right. And I can't say yes. I can't say no. I can't even nod my head.

[00:41:06] I can't shake my head. What I do when they ask me this is I just have a blank stare and I stare at them. Just a blank stare. And, well, father, I'm waiting. And I just stare. I cannot respond in any way, shape, or form. Nothing. And so they eventually get the point because it's so awkward for them. Yeah. Right. And so, yeah, there's, there, it's hermetically sealed is my point.

[00:41:35] I mean, and, and, I mean, I can just say for myself, while there are exceptions, there's times that, like, if a good friend wants to go to have counseling. And then somewhere in there has confession. Yeah, that's certainly fine, too. But 95% of the confessions that I do as a priest, it's, it's real, just the facts, ma'am. Yeah. Kind of thing.

[00:42:03] I mean, it's, it's, it's quick. Yeah. I mean, and Padre Pio, that's how it was, too, with him, is that, you know, John Vianney, very quick, these are the facts, right? And, and, and this is what the penance that the priest is asking you to do. I'm not going to ask you to walk barefoot to Alaska. Yeah. Okay.

[00:42:26] And so, I mean, and so, and then the, the formula for absolution that the priest gives is given by the church. Right. And so this is, this is what, and it's the same in all languages, right? Yeah. So I don't think, yeah, because I think that, I don't think a lot of people realize just what the priest is bound to with regards to the sacraments in general.

[00:42:54] But also specifically confession. Right. Where it is like, you, there are only some things that you, you can't say. I mean, like with absolution, you can't just go off the cuff. You know, you have to say these words. You, you cannot reveal anything else to anybody outside of that confessional. You, you know, so there's a lot that a priest is really bound to in order for the sacrament to be able to be provided. And in its, in its most effective way to the people.

[00:43:24] Um, so yeah, so that's a, that would be, that'd be hard for me. Like, as a. Well, after you hear so many. That's why girls are probably not. You know what? That's the reason. Yeah. That's the reason. That it's like, did you know? You know what, guys, guys are gossipers. Yeah, they can be. Oh yeah. They can be. They can be. No. 100%. That's not the reason why Jesus chose. That's not the reason. I thought. That's for another episode. Yeah. It'll be for another episode. Yeah.

[00:43:53] You guys probably heard me say this. People often talk about, Father, what do, what do priests talk about when you guys get together? I said, all of our conversations go back. We'll eventually go back to one thing. Which priest is getting transferred where? Oh, where is that? I mean, and the thing is like, like none of them know, but they all think they know. Oh, I heard this on good authority. I mean, they don't, they don't know. They don't know. And so I'm like. Yeah. All right.

[00:44:19] And one last thing that I remember you had said was, you know, for people, don't go to the confessional expecting the priest to be your counselor. Yeah, that's right. So I was going to say, do you want to elaborate on that point? Yeah, it's not, it's not a time for counseling. I mean, again, if it's one of those things that, that, that the person is asking for counseling first, you're meeting with them one on one.

[00:44:49] And at the end they say, Father, can I go to confession? Okay, that's something different. But to go to confession, especially if there's many other people in line, that is not the time. So what we're doing is just the facts, ma'am. Give me some, give me some bullet points. And that's really, really hard for a lot of people. That's really, really hard for them because they, they, and again, that, I want to be clear. That's not Father Ben that's saying this. Yeah.

[00:45:19] Okay, that's what we, that's, that's what we believe. I mean, John Paul's, his, I think it was an apostolic letter on confession, penitensia misericordia. They, he makes this point. And so like, and that's when he says that the priest acts to some extent as a Urex, as a judge, and Medici as a doctor.

[00:45:45] You know, healing and to some extent trying to bring the person back on the right path. Right. And so if there is, I mean, there are times that priests will hear things in confession where you do get the sense the person needs some accountability. Yeah. Right. In the sense like, okay, this is not the right path. Yeah.

[00:46:12] You need to abandon this path because this could lead to very, very serious, serious consequences. Not just for you, but for your family. Yeah. Okay. So this needs to go. Yeah. Right. And, and so there, there is, but that's not a time for counseling. Yeah. If some, if someone wants more drawn out to work through the problem, okay, that's counseling. Right. And so. Yeah. It's sometimes. And they can make an appointment with you. Correct.

[00:46:42] Yeah. Yeah. And we promise to look for counseling and confess all of our shopping, over shopping stuff. We may be there a while. We may be there for a while. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. As long as you don't, um, buy your kitchen supplies from that island Aldi. Don't forget to put soul in your food and give food to your soul. God bless you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.