Homily: The 4th Commandment

[00:00:02] So this week I celebrated my 20th anniversary as a priest and thank you. I feel like I need to take my teeth out at night but thank you. I was reflecting with one of my brother priests, Fr. Joey Komp who's the pastor at Incarnation Church.

[00:00:31] Fr. Joey and I have been friends a long time and we were kind of reminiscing on different experiences that he and I had growing up and in the seminary. When he and I were in the seminary every year, we were talking about this week, we would come back for what's called the Fall Youth Gathering which was a youth gathering they have every year at Chickasaw National Park.

[00:00:54] So we would camp out with the teenagers for the weekend and so I never had any money. So I usually would just bring a blanket and use my backpack as my pillow and sleep next to the fire. And we were there one year and it was kind of a chilly night and I look over and Fr. Joey has, he's got a tent and a sleeping bag and an air mattress.

[00:01:21] And I won't repeat what's going through my mind. It wouldn't pretty, but he looks very, very comfortable and apparently that same night, he looks over at me and I'm like shaking like this, right? And so, lo and behold, the next week we get back to the seminary and I open my door and there is an air mattress, a sleeping bag, a pump to pump up the air mattress, a tent.

[00:01:51] And I said to him, I said, you know, Fr. Joey, it would just be easier if you were a jerk. You know, I mean, as soon as I want to like use words I shouldn't use, you go and do something nice, which really, really irritates me. So the following year, I mean, I felt like I was in the Ritz Carlton. I was waiting on room service, right? But I remember one year when we were there, I asked him, I said, Fr. Joey, why are we doing this? Like, why are we doing this?

[00:02:19] I mean, how many kids, there's just hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of teenagers. I said, how many are we actually going to impact? And he said, you know, Ben, look, it's not about that. You're creating a memory with these kids. We may be only impact two or three of them.

[00:02:42] But it may be that years from now, they remember us and they have a positive memory of the church. That's all we're trying to do. And I just kind of share this with you, yeah. So much of our life, that's what we're trying to do is create a memory to the extent that we can. I mean, every moment is a gift. Every moment's a gift that we can't get back, right?

[00:03:11] And I think that that's part of honoring someone. So last week we talked about which commandment? You got ten options here. Okay. So remember we talked about honoring God, honoring God's name, honoring God's day. So today we talk about the fourth commandment, honoring who? Father and mom, right? Your parents. So this word honor is really important.

[00:03:41] And by the way, many of us here have made a promise to do that. I mean, see if this rings a bell with you. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. And I will love you and I will honor you all the days of my life. So, I didn't make those promises, you did. Okay?

[00:04:05] So, those of you that made those promises, what did you promise? I mean, what does that actually mean? If you promise to honor this person, it's worth kind of knowing what you promised, yeah? Again, my opinion. I think promise in giving honor comes down to this, that we sacrifice for that person. What does that mean?

[00:04:31] It means that we have to say no to doing this with our time so we can say yes to doing this with that person in our time. Sacrifice usually means that you don't get as much personal time as you want. Tough man. When we promise honor to another person, specifically our spouse, as I'm sure you've heard me say before, to the extent, to the degree that we become a better human being, i.e. we work

[00:05:00] on ourself, the other person benefits. Conversely, to the degree that we don't become a better person, they have to live with that. I mean, you wake up next to this person, you go to sleep next to this person, the best way to honor them is to work on me. Truly. I mean, that's how it goes. The same as a priest, trust me.

[00:05:26] When we talk about honoring our parents then, one of the best ways to honor our parents is to live with the values and the morality that they raised us with. Words we don't ever want to hear. You were not raised that way. Hmm. That stings. We don't want to hear those words. Well, Father, look, I had a bad experience with my parents. My father was absent, whatever it was.

[00:05:55] Some of us have had those experiences. I'm not denying that at all. But I would be lying if I didn't say this. One of the things that I see a lot as a priest, okay, is that people are far too hard on their parents. They kind of expect them to have walked on water to have all the answers. Right? And I'm like, come on, man. Cut them some slack. Because you know what? They were kind of making it up as they went along. Right?

[00:06:23] I mean, those of you that are parents, stop me if I say something you disagree with. But you know what it's like to wake up at 2am. I mean, as priests, I go to Le Bonheur at 2am. For you guys, your kid has a nightmare. They got a stomach bug. You know what it's like to get up at 2am. Maybe you're just, your brain is going worrying about this. What about that? What about that? What about this? What about that? Right? Of course, then you look over and your spouse is like, right?

[00:06:54] But we know what this looks like. Our parents went through the same thing with us. They had their own marriage struggles. They only work struggles. Their own health struggles. Their own struggles with God. They went through that. Cut them some slack. Hmm. I often say that, you know, when we're younger, have you noticed this? When we're younger, we never think we're going to get older. Like, that only happens to other people.

[00:07:25] And then one day, we look in the mirror like, who is this person? Wow. Like, that person's old, man. Right? But then, one of the hardest things is when we have aging parents, is that often one sibling does everything and the other siblings do nothing. And then, at the last minute, they come in and try to make up for lost time. Hmm.

[00:07:55] It's horrible. Right? So, one of the things that we remember is that, look, our aging parents, they may need help going to the bathroom. They may need help bathing. They may need help going to Walgreens for prescriptions or doctor's appointments or whatever it is. And one of the hardest conversations that we can ever have with our parents can be summed up in two words. Car keys. Car keys.

[00:08:25] Because those car keys, what do those represent to our parents? Independence. Let me get this straight. Let me get this straight. Let me get this straight. Are you telling me, I used to change your diapers and I dropped you off at first grade, and you're telling me I can't have my car keys? That's a hard conversation, boy.

[00:08:50] Those of us who may be in those golden years, if your children ever come to you with that conversation, in the same way that we want them to honor us, one of the best ways to honor our children is to accept the fact that, you know what? They might be right. They might be right. Maybe it is for our safety and the safety of Memphians that we're not driving, right?

[00:09:18] You think, well, man, I'll probably fit right in with other Memphian drivers. Okay? But you get the point. Maybe that's part of honoring. Maybe we have to be humble enough to hear that. And that's a hard conversation. You know, one of the most beautiful, awesome things that I've ever seen as a priest, so beautiful. Some of the fathers I know, gentlemen, as you know, shortly we're going to have Father's Day. I love this.

[00:09:46] When a father has date night with each one of his daughters, right? Honey, let's go. What do you want to go to tonight? And they have one night out with one of their daughters and another night with another daughters. Man, they will never forget those nights. They'll never forget that time with Daddy. And 25 years later, he's walking her right down this aisle and she's standing here with

[00:10:15] her new husband and she will be looking for her daddy in that man. Tomorrow, man. The best way to honor other people, we have to sacrifice our time. If we're married to this person, we become a better person for that person. If we're honoring our parents, we live with the values and morals that they raised us with. So I'll close with this.

[00:10:46] So with everyone's permission, I just want to make a confession. Can you hear my confession? I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to throw it out there. Here we go. I don't like barbecue. I just, I don't like it. You know, when you're from Memphis and you say you don't like barbecue, it's like being from Japan, you don't like sushi or something, okay? It's just not my thing. I don't care for it.

[00:11:16] I'm not a picky eater, but most of the barbecue I've had in Memphis has been underwhelming to say the least, okay? Well, Father, you've never had my barbecue. Okay, I'm sure yours is a suction, right? It's not my thing. I don't care for it. But, you know, one of the things that I love is, I'm not sure how many have ever been to Austin, Texas, but in Texas they have what they call Texas OG barbecue.

[00:11:43] What they do is they take a brisket, nothing but salt and pepper, no dry rub, salt, pepper, nothing. They slow smoke this thing for days. Texas OG barbecue. And some of the families I know that have done this for years, they would say to me, you know, Father, it has nothing to do with barbecue. Honestly, we don't really care about that. We're creating memories with our family.

[00:12:13] That's what it's about. You see the same thing in Louisiana with crawfish boils. The same thing in New England with crab boils and lobster boils. It's not about the food. It's about we're creating memories with this person. It's one of the greatest ways to honor this other person. Give them your time. Right? Every moment's a gift. Every moment's a gift.

[00:12:39] And the greatest way we can honor others is by remembering that we learn from them. At the end of mass today, what we're going to do, we're going to honor our Lord in this feast of Corpus Christi. We're going to take the blessed sacrament. We're going to walk around the outside of the church with Jesus, giving him honor and devotion and adoration. From that source, we receive the grace to become a better human being which ultimately honors others. We'll be right back.