Homily: Fidelity

[00:00:01] Good morning. Welcome to St. Mike's. It's good to have everybody here. So here we are 25 years or so after the September 11th attacks on this country, as many of you know. And in the years after the September 11th attacks, many of the things that we know about those attacks were closed.

[00:00:26] They were sealed up. They have since, many of those facts have since been unsealed. They've come out. One of the things that we now know about that horrible day in September 2001 was that prior to the attacks, the CIA, the Central Intelligence Agency, they actually knew. They knew that the attacks were coming.

[00:00:53] They didn't know exactly where, but they knew they would likely happen within that timeframe. They knew the names of the attackers and they actually knew where they were living in the United States. The problem? They never shared that information with the FBI. In those days before the September 11th attacks, they kind of worked in silos, turf wars, right?

[00:01:20] Now, of course, they talk interchangeably. But in those days they didn't do that. Point being, whether we are talking on a large scale or a smaller scale maybe with our marriages and families, when people don't learn how to communicate, it causes problems. It's an obvious point. It causes problems. And one of the things that it can cause, if you can believe this, is infidelity.

[00:01:50] So today we talk about the Sixth Commandment. What is the Sixth Commandment? It's actually the Sixth Commandment. So the Sixth Commandment is be faithful to your spouse. Okay? So remember, we said that of the Ten Commandments, they're all about the word priorities, keeping priorities. The first three commandments about honoring God, last seven about how we treat other people. So the Sixth Commandment is you shall not commit adultery.

[00:02:20] Be faithful to this person that God has put in your life. Yeah? In good times and in bad and sickness and health, I will love you and I will honor you all the days of my life. There's something so beautiful about fidelity. Fidelity. I mean, a lot of times with fidelity, no one will ever notice what we're doing. They'll never say thank you. It's usually kind of boring. Sometimes not very sexy.

[00:02:49] But we receive so much benefit with God because he sees what we've done and what we're doing day in and day out. I mean, it's like the last line of this Gospel. Jesus says, if you give the cup of cold water to one of these little ones, you'll receive a hundred times more in the life to come. I mean, really? It's just a cup of cold water. The small things that we do are seen by God. That's the message. Right?

[00:03:19] In fact, it's my experience that often when someone is not faithful to their spouse, they have long since not been faithful to God first. Keep our priorities in line, our mind in the game. I think so often about St. Joseph and the Virgin Mary, for instance. You know, some of our non-Catholic friends, they believe that Joseph and Mary actually had other children.

[00:03:48] And that Joseph and Mary were sexually active. To be clear, Catholics do not believe this. They don't believe this. All right? But, as Pope John Paul II said, and I happen to agree with him, Joseph and Mary, even though they were not sexually active or had children, they had a deep, deep, deep intimacy. A profound intimacy.

[00:04:11] Because according to the Old Testament, and according to our faith, there's three forms of intimacy. Into me you see. Intimacy. I'm opening my heart for this person. What are those three forms of intimacy? Spiritual intimacy. Can you pray with this person? You wake up next to them. You go to bed next to them. Can you pray? You have spiritual intimacy.

[00:04:40] Emotional intimacy. We can talk about anything and everything, and it's not going to trigger an argument. That's what that means. So nobody's walking on eggshells. There's emotional intimacy. And St. Joseph and Mary had this. And this is really an important point. Because often when people don't have those two, it can lead to physical infidelity.

[00:05:07] You know, years ago I was working with this couple who I'm still very close with, and they were kind of at each other's throats a little bit. And what they did is they got a glass jar, and they put the glass jar on their kitchen counter. And every time they got into an argument, the person that started the argument had to put a $20 bill in the glass jar. So about a year later I go to their house, man, this jar is packed with cash. I mean, it was like 10 grand in this jar, right?

[00:05:37] And I told them, I said, I said, guys, either you're going to be able to retire early or somebody's going to be dead soon. I don't know. You know, maybe both. We'll see. But the guy, in his own words, he said he's a very type A personality. He said, when we would have a problem, we've got to solve it right now. Let's solve this at this very moment. And his wife was like, let's wait. And he said, no, we've got to solve this now.

[00:06:07] And he said, it took everything he had to learn, no, you do not have to solve this right now. In fact, it's better if you do not. Let's let the emotional dust settle and then we can come back and address it when we're thinking clearly. Right? Does any of this ring a bell? Perhaps? Maybe we could sum it up in this.

[00:06:36] We cannot solve a problem that we don't understand first. And we can't understand the problem if we're not thinking clearly. Wait it out. Wait it out. One of the problems can be, maybe it's not bad communication. Maybe it's just non-existent communication. What is emotional cheating? Emotional infidelity. Basically, it comes down to this.

[00:07:01] I develop an attraction to someone who is not my spouse for any number of reasons. Have you noticed that people are attracted to potential mates for any number of reasons? Maybe they're good looking. They're a good dancer. They got beautiful hair. Okay, whatever it is, maybe there's great conversation. I can talk to this man about these deep spiritual things and my husband just wants to watch Netflix. I try to talk to him.

[00:07:30] He won't talk to me. But this guy understands me. Maybe we see each other all the time at the gym and I love the excitement. I'm getting this attention. You see, if somebody is not comfortable with themselves, if they don't have a base level of self-esteem, they can fall right into this trap, man. I've seen it many times.

[00:07:56] You know, what sometimes happens, if you can believe this, people will leave their spouse and go with someone else because this spouse won't go to church and this spouse goes to church. And they can be convinced that God wants them to leave their spouse and go with this one because that one goes to church. So they're using God to leave their spouse. And my response is, call me Captain Obvious.

[00:08:23] I'm guessing that's not what God wants you to do. Okay? But you see the point. If we're not careful, we can fall into this trap when somebody starts giving us a little bit of attention. We've got to keep our mind in the game, folks. All of us. How do we, what are some of the guards against emotional infidelity? Number one, deep pray with this person. Number two, how's your communication?

[00:08:51] Number three, full and total transparency. Full and total transparency. What does that mean? My spouse should have 100% access to all my social media accounts, all of my devices, and all of my email accounts. Well, Father, if my wife really trusted me, she shouldn't have to do that. My response to that, brother, you gave all that up when you said I do.

[00:09:23] You know, I tell people all the time, anyone in this church should be able to go in my office right now and pull up every website I've been looking at. Full transparency. It's an anti-venom to emotional infidelity. We keep our mind in the game. There's something so beautiful, so beautiful about day-to-day fidelity, especially when no one notices.

[00:09:53] Because they don't have to. God sees it. You know, in my 20 years as a priest, I have known, sadly, a number of Catholic priests who have left the priesthood. And I knew some of those guys before they entered the seminary. And contrary to popular belief, when a guy leaves the priesthood, it's usually not to get married. That's not why they leave. They leave the priesthood because they're exhausted. They're pooped.

[00:10:23] As you may know, one Catholic priest in this country for every 2,800 Catholics, they're exhausted. Average work week, 65, 70 hours. Okay? We love doing it, but they're pooped. Right? And it's hard for these guys to understand that when they leave what they promised, it has ripple effects for the community and for other priests. Like, ugh.

[00:10:51] And it's the same when we're not faithful to the promises we've made in marriage. It has ripple effects. So I'll close with this. Before she died in 1994, Jackie Kennedy Onassis, she died of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Before she died in 94, she gave a series of interviews about her marriage to JFK.

[00:11:18] And, as some of you know, that was a very difficult marriage for her. They lost three children, one of which their son Patrick was stillborn. And she said that was very, very difficult, horrible, as you can imagine. But she said nothing was more difficult for her than her husband's infidelities, which were numerous. In fact, she knew some of the women. And she said it was gut-wrenching.

[00:11:48] And she said what got her through those times was her Catholic faith. She was very close with a number of Catholic priests and sisters that really helped her get through, navigate those waters. But she said it was her Catholic faith that kept her focused in that time. And I share this with you folks because it's sometimes hard for many of us to understand that our personal decisions are not about you.

[00:12:18] They're not about me. Our decisions have ripple effects for the people in our life. Whether we realize that, whether we want to realize that, they do. They do. There's something so beautiful and gorgeous and awesome about day in and day out fidelity. Even if no one says thank you. Even if they never notice. It's okay. Because God does.